When Work Ethic Becomes Self-Betrayal. Hustle culture burnout and the high achiever mindset.
One evening, back in my corporate days, I left the office ‘early’ at 5:30pm. Officially, we finished at 5. I’d been there since 8am, worked through lunch, and my brain felt like a sack of wet wool. I had to pick up my daughter from day-care and I was already running late.
On my way out, a manager passed me and said, “Taking a half day, Julie?”
He said it like a joke, but it sounded like a warning. There was an undertone of disappointment, (maybe even resentment) but a loud enough caution that the only acceptable proof of commitment to the job was visible exhaustion and personal sacrifice.
That was the unspoken rule in that world. If you weren’t stressed, you obviously weren’t doing your job properly.
A few years later, when I left corporate to start my own business, I assumed that same hustle culture work ethic would be an asset. The longer hours I worked, the more I would achieve, I told myself. The more I bled my heart and soul into my business (to the detriment of all else), the more success I would build.
It took me about 18 months to realise what BS that was. Without realising it, I’d built a wellbeing business with a nervous system that was still trained for survival. Corporate conditioning had trained me to work through lunch, show up when unwell, and believe I’d only had a ‘successful’ day if I clocked off feeling like a wet rag. So I brought that rigid structure into my business: tasks assigned to days, time blocks for everything, constant busyness.
I worked every day. Saturdays and Sundays too. When I did convince myself to take a day off, I spent a large portion of it feeling guilty. The inner script that ran the show constantly needled me with comments like: “You have to work hard. You’ll fail if you don’t. You have to prove yourself. You won’t build a successful business doing the laundry/mowing the grass/exercising/spending time with friends and family.”
From the outside, my efforts looked like dedication. From the inside, I can now see I was building on fear.
The cost soon began to add up. I had a spaghetti-junction brain. Fatigue stalked me. My creativity waned. I’d stare at a half-finished manuscript, terrified I’d never complete it because of all the other tasks I 'should' be doing. At night, I’d lie in bed festering over the one undone task instead of the twenty I had completed. Even though I wasn’t in financial difficulty, I worried about money. Soon, every time my thoughts drifted towards finances, fear would squeeze my gut. Without realising it, I was ignoring my inner wisdom, convinced that following one-size-fits-all rules from people who didn’t live in my body, my life, or my values would equal success.
One afternoon, I had a conversation with an author friend and opened up about my frustrations. She invited me to take part in an emotional intelligence course she was developing. Within week one, I discovered my greatest saboteur was that nagging inner voice pushing me to be an over-achiever. I learned I was basing my self-worth on my achievements, and once I could see it clearly, it lost a lot of its power.
The way I work now is the way that fits my mind, my energy, and my heart. I woke up to the understanding that I’m building this life for me, no-one else, so I get to build it my way.
Are the meddlesome voices gone? Not entirely. They still pop up now and again. But they’re a hell of a lot quieter, and they don’t hold a tenth of the power they used to.
I used to think discipline was the answer, but now I know it's alignment.
Yes, discipline has its place, but not to the extent that all the joy gets sucked out of whatever we’re doing. Discipline can be rigid whereas alignment is expansive. Discipline can build a structure, but alignment is what fills it with life.
Alignment, to me, feels like flow, joy, freedom, guilt-free rest, and action inspired from within, not from a set of rules that don’t fit my world.
Once Human Design entered my life, and it also helped me understand that not everyone is built for the same structure. Some systems will never fit, no matter how hard you try to squeeze yourself into them. How many people do you know who struggled their whole way through school, a job, or an institution choked by rules, only to flourish when they got to run their own life?
In Human Design, my strategy is “Wait to Respond”. In real life, that means I pause and listen to what lights me up or pushes me away. I give myself permission to pivot when something no longer excites me. I'm learning to follow my bliss, and can see how that excitement makes me most magnetic to the right opportunities and people. Most importantly, I don't force myself to follow a set of rules.
My new process includes a slower, more mindful pace, less content production, stepping away from (or declining) energy and time sucks, and listening to my gut without hesitation. When something lights me up, I listen, even if it’s something totally random that’s come out of nowhere.
I would never have found myself thinking this in my corporate days, but freedom is my right. An unplanned day off. A yes to an impulsive social event. Pausing or switching tasks because I’m forcing instead of flowing. These are the things that keep me aligned.
And finally, instead of mapping out my week with a rigid to-do list per day, I pick three tasks as my main focus for the week and allow myself to tackle all the others between clients and when I'm ready.
Of course, there are times when my mind gets cluttered, or my saboteurs try to meddle. When that happens, I do the following. It takes only a few minutes and has pulled me back from the edge many times. If it sounds like something that could benefit you, give it a go.
Put a hand on your heart.
Breathe slowly for a few cycles.
Ask: What’s bothering me about this?
Ask: What is my intuition saying?
Even if you can’t put your finger on what’s wrong, but you can feel it in your gut, that’s enough to know something is off. If you’re not used to listening to your inner wisdom, it takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. What you’ll learn from this is that the whisper within is often wiser than the loudest voices outside. You just need to give yourself the chance to hear it.
If, like me, you’re a fan of journalling, I’d like to offer you a few questions to pick apart on the page. If journalling isn’t your thing, give yourself a few minutes right now to ponder the following:
Where in your life are you forcing yourself into something that doesn’t fit?
What does ‘aligned’ feel like in your body?
What’s one belief about productivity you’re ready to release?
After learning the hard way how I was betraying myself with a toxic work ethic, here’s what I know: I’m not here to build a business that costs me my life. Alignment is the magic ingredient, and caring for my nervous system is just as vital as caring for my business.
If you trusted your life was allowed to feel good, what would you choose today?
If any of this resonated, I’d genuinely love to hear from you. You can reach me at julie@creativesoultarot.com
Where do you notice unaligned work ethics showing up in your life right now? What does alignment feel like in your body when you’re in it? And if you’re in that in-between place, where you’re starting to realise the structure you’ve been forcing yourself into can’t hold you, what are you hoping to change next?
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